Posts Tagged ‘life’

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Feelings….

Monday, April 11, 2011

A couple of things have happened in the last week that have brought up *all* of the old infertility feelings.

The ones that have been there, but have been bearable.

The ones that will never really go away, but that weren’t seriously affecting my daily activities.

And now… they’re back.  In all of their full glory.

Along with missing the foster girls we had.

I know it won’t be this bad forever, but it’s bad right now.

Infertility seriously sucks.

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Feeling overwhelmed

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

So… I found out today that my husband didn’t get yet
another job that he interviewed for. *sigh* I really wish something
would work out for him! He needs it for his self-esteem, and we
need it to be able to pay rent and mortgage every month. Have I
mentioned that I hate money? We have a million and one questions to
answer for our fost-adopt application autobiography, and I have to
sign us up for the foster care class. But I still don’t want to
take any kids until my husband has a job. Please, God? I want to be
the primary caregiver, even if I’m working; I don’t want my husband
to have to do it. We just made it through the fifth Christmas that
we could have had a child. I never thought we would have to wait
this long. Why? I’m just so tired of all of this. I just want a
baby.

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Just another Monday

Monday, November 1, 2010

Not a very exciting day today.  I had almost nothing to do at work, so I was a little bored, but I did cross some things off of my to-do list that have been on there forever.  And in the afternoon, I got to go and just hang out with a few kids, and play games with them, so that was fun.

I have been so tired lately.  It seems like no matter how much sleep I get, I still can’t get up in the morning.  Usually it’s a “time of the month” thing, but that has come and gone, and I’m still exhausted.  Maybe the changing of seasons?  Maybe the recent changing of almost everything else in my life?  Who knows.  I’m tired of being tired though.

Still haven’t heard anything about my husband’s job… I’m starting to lose hope.  I think he is too.  I feel kind of bad for dragging him here with me, when he doesn’t have a job yet.  I know he’s not very happy here, and I feel a little like it’s my fault.

I need some fun and exciting news to share on here… enough of the doom and gloom!

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Twelve days of blogging

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

It seems like a lot of people have been doing a month of blogging lately.  I’m a little too ADHD to promise to blog every day for a whole month, but I’m going to try to do it for twelve days.  Why twelve?  Just because it’s my favorite number.

So… my husband and I moved at the beginning of October.  And we’re *mostly* settled in.  I’m really enjoying my new job; my  husband is still looking.  Last week I contacted a local foster/adoption agency to get information about the process to get licensed through them.  We’re living in a small county, so apparently there are only three agencies we can choose from.  I work for one of the agencies, so that one is out.  I haven’t heard great things about the second, so the one I contacted is kind of our only option.  Fortunately, after talking with the guy on the phone, I have a good feeling about the agency.  They mailed us some information.  And an application.  I’m not sure when we’ll actually send it back in, but at least we have it.  My husband had a job interview yesterday.  If he gets the job, I think we’ll send the application in soon.  I want to feel like we’re moving forward again.

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We’re moving

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I’ve been telling everyone else in my life,  so it seems like I should post it here too. I got offered a job in a city about two and a half hours away from where we are now. It’s the same kind of job I had before, and I’m really looking forward to being back to work. It means we’ll have to go through the whole foster care licensing process again, but it also means getting away from the place where I went through so much grief about infertility. A new place, a fresh start. I’m hoping it will be a good thing.

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Our newest addition…

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I keep meaning to write about everything going on with our foster placement – the six year old girl we have just recently started having weekend visits with her mom – but for some reason I just haven’t sat down to do it.
For today though, I’m writing about the newest addition to our household… Diego. He’s the kitten of a stray cat we feed. I found him up in the tree of our front yard a couple days ago. In theory, we’re only keeping him until we can find him a home, but I’m falling in love. Today he started to purr when I pet him and he has started to play with toys (the first couple days he just sat in the back corner of the cat carrier we have open for him to sleep/hide in). We really don’t need another cat, but I’m kind of hoping my husband gets attached too. And then maybe he can become a permanent member of the family.

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Contemplating change

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My husband had a job interview yesterday.  He’s currently employed, but not in the area his education is in, and he has been looking for a new job for about a year without much luck.  The interview was in a city about two and a half hours from where we currently live, and he mostly decided to go to the interview for practice.  However, he feels like the interview went really well.  And if he was actually offered the job, we would have some hard decisions to make.

Both my husband and I have lived most of our lives in the area we currently live in.  Almost all of our immediate family still live in this area as well.  Picking up and moving would be hard to do.  It would also mean having to figure out what to do with the house we’re living in (which we just bought about a year ago).  And it would mean having to start all over again with foster care certification.  Another delay in getting a baby.

And yet…

I’m actually a little excited thinking about the possibility of change.  I haven’t been able to find another job where we’re living.  We still don’t have a baby.  For the last six months (at least) it has seemed like every door of possible opportunity and forward movement has been shut and locked in our faces.  Maybe we’re supposed to be going in this new direction.  Maybe?

Or maybe I’m just desperately looking for some way to make sense of everything else that *hasn’t* been happening for us.

At any rate, he should find out about the job by next Wednesday.