Posts Tagged ‘foster care’

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Feelings….

Monday, April 11, 2011

A couple of things have happened in the last week that have brought up *all* of the old infertility feelings.

The ones that have been there, but have been bearable.

The ones that will never really go away, but that weren’t seriously affecting my daily activities.

And now… they’re back.  In all of their full glory.

Along with missing the foster girls we had.

I know it won’t be this bad forever, but it’s bad right now.

Infertility seriously sucks.

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Foster Care Class

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I just registered my husband and myself for the foster care class we need to take.  Yay!  Another (baby) step forward.  The class starts in the beginning of February.  Other than that, there hasn’t been too much going on, besides working on the 78-question autobiography questionnaire.  78 questions is a lot of questions!

Earlier this week a pregnant woman I know through work found out the sex of her baby.  I was there for the announcement.  One of those things I’m never going to experience myself.  And I’ve had a couple of situations when I’ve had to be sympathetic toward pregnant women who have missed appointments because of pregnancy-related things.  I keep saying, “Don’t worry about it, I understand.”  And I keep thinking, “I don’t *really* understand, I only wish I did.”  I guess I’ve just been feeling a little sad this week.  I know it’s to be expected, but that doesn’t really make it any easier.

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Feeling overwhelmed

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

So… I found out today that my husband didn’t get yet
another job that he interviewed for. *sigh* I really wish something
would work out for him! He needs it for his self-esteem, and we
need it to be able to pay rent and mortgage every month. Have I
mentioned that I hate money? We have a million and one questions to
answer for our fost-adopt application autobiography, and I have to
sign us up for the foster care class. But I still don’t want to
take any kids until my husband has a job. Please, God? I want to be
the primary caregiver, even if I’m working; I don’t want my husband
to have to do it. We just made it through the fifth Christmas that
we could have had a child. I never thought we would have to wait
this long. Why? I’m just so tired of all of this. I just want a
baby.

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Here we go again

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Our first home appointment with the foster/adoption agency is two weeks from today.  I can’t believe we’re getting ready to start this whole process all over again.  It will be way more intensive this time because a) we’re going through an agency instead of just through the county, and b) last time we were just licensed for foster care and this time it will include the adoption homestudy too.

It feels good to be moving forward, but it’s a little scary too.  Once we make it through this process it will be back to the daily hope and disappointment.  Checking my phone every three minutes to see if we’ve gotten a call.  Having NO idea when that call will come, or what it will bring.

The two placements we had before (each for about three months) were so different.  The first one – two sisters, ages two and five – was my first real chance at being a mom.  Those girls had so much energy and could be so draining, but I loved every minute of it.  Well, *almost* every minute.  All of the hugs and smiles, silliness and laughter, and even the tantrums and tears.  I loved being a mom.  We knew when we accepted the placement that we were only a stepping stone between two placements – a previous foster placement that didn’t work out, and a permanent placement with extended family – but that didn’t make it any easier to let them go.

Our second placement was a six year old girl.  We did respite for her about a month before she was placed with us, and at that time it looked like it might be heading toward being a potential adoptive placement.  Her mom pulled it together though, and by the time she was actually placed with us things were leaning heavily toward reunification.  She was much quieter than the other two, but once she felt comfortable enough somewhere to laugh, she had the greatest giggle.  It makes me smile to think about it.  She is back with her mom now, and they’re doing great.  But of course I still miss her.

It’s going to be so nice to get back into all of this!

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Application

Monday, November 15, 2010

I mailed in our foster/adoption application last week.  My husband is still looking for work, but I was feeling impatient.  So I mailed it in anyway.  I figure the process takes a while anyway, right?  I haven’t heard anything back yet, but hopefully I will soon.  I can’t believe we’re getting ready to go through this all over again.

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What do you have to offer…

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I hate answering questions like this.  First of all, it’s hard to put this kind of stuff into words.  And second of all, I hate feeling like I’m trying to sell myself.  I get really uncomfortable when I have to talk about my strengths and things I’m good at.

Fost-Adopt Application Question #2: What do you have to offer a child in your home and life?

Answer (so far – I probably won’t include all of this in the application):

I believe I have the ability to offer nurturing and unconditional love to any child who comes into our home and life, even in the midst of the uncertainty that comes with foster care.  Having had three children placed with us in the past year, I know I can give my heart to these kids. One of the things I learned through the grieving of infertility is that I am capable of making it through the pain. Even though I know my heart will be broken if a child who is placed with us leaves our care, I am not afraid of going through the heartache – I know it will not be easy, but I also know I’ll make it through.  Having that knowledge means I can offer love to a child without any hesitation.

This is harder than I thought it would be.  Part of my problem is that I think too much, and I’m a bit of a perfectionist.  I don’t want to just give a generic answer though.

What I/we have to offer a child (in non-answer format): love, nurturing, compassion, empathy, stability, bedtime stories, singing songs, silliness and play, lots of hugs and kisses, the ability to (most of the time) look past the child’s behavior and see the reasons behind it, a good relationship between my husband and I, an understanding of some of the issues foster children face, a willingness to give my heart even though I know the child might leave…

Maybe I should answer more like that, instead of like my first try.  Any thoughts?

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Why do you wish to adopt…

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Still no news on the job front for my husband.  But I’ve been looking through the foster-adoption application form and I’m starting to think about answers to certain questions.  I thought here would be as good a place as any to try to figure out what I want to say.  So…

Question #1: Why do you wish to adopt or be a foster parent at this time?

Answer (so far):

My husband and I wish to adopt as a way to increase our family.  We have been unable to have children by birth.  After almost three years of trying to get pregnant, we decided in December, 2008, to pursue adoption instead.  It was a very hard decision to make, but it felt like the right choice for us.

We have chosen to adopt from foster care because both of us have experience working with children in foster care.  We have an understanding of the need for loving and supportive foster homes, as well as of some of the difficulties both foster children and foster parents face.  We believe we have the capability to provide that love and support to any child who comes into our home.  Both my husband and I have a strong desire to offer nurturing and compassion to these children in need.

It seems like kind of a cheesy answer – but maybe they want cheese?  It’s hard to put the strong desire I have in my heart to help these kids into words.  I gave my heart to each of the three girls who were placed with us, and I loved every minute of it.  I’m okay with knowing my heart could be broken in an instant – I know I can make it through the pain.

Anyone have any suggestions of things to include, or change, or exclude all together?