Archive for December, 2008

h1

I think . . .

Friday, December 12, 2008

that we’re done trying to get pregnant. 

We kind of decided last week. 

A lot of things went into the decision, but it feels like the “right” decision to both of us.  It’s not the decision I want to make though.  I hate feeling like I need to be responsible.

I’m not coping very well.  I’m heartbroken.  And I have been hesitant to tell people, because I don’t want the “support” of someone trying to give me a list of reasons why I don’t have to give up (I know people mean well, I just don’t think I can handle that right now).  I have met SO many wonderful women who have gone through infertility, but most of them have gotten pregnant.  I don’t know many women who have had to face the reality of never knowing what it feels like to be pregnant.  I know it’s a huge loss, and it makes sense that I’m having a hard time, but it also feels like it doesn’t really count- they don’t exactly make sympathy cards that say “I’m sorry you can’t get pregnant.”  I still have to go to work, I still have to get everything done.  I still have to pretend to be normal and at least moderately happy.

I hate this.  How can something hurt so much?

Advertisements