Archive for October, 2010

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Anniversary

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Well, I missed posting yesterday.  So much for twelve days in a row.  But yesterday was our six year wedding anniversary, so I have a good excuse.  My husband and I had a good day together… sleeping in, going for a mini hike, wandering around the mall, and going out for dinner.  Then we came back home and I fell asleep.  Around 9:00.  *Sigh*  For some reason, I have been so tired lately.

I love being married to my husband.  The last six years have definitely had their ups and downs, but they have been wonderful.  He has been so supportive through all of the infertility stuff.  He has been willing to do foster care with me.  I can come home crying (like I did on Friday) and he just holds me.  All I have to tell him is that it’s “baby stuff”, and he gets it.  He understands.

Monday tomorrow, and back to work.  Even though I don’t have much to keep me busy tomorrow – I still don’t have a full caseload at work.

What did other people do over the weekend?

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Well that didn’t last long

Friday, October 29, 2010

This morning I had an appointment with a mom who has a baby.  Watching her interact with her baby… watching her play with her baby… watching her comfort her baby…

I came home and cried at lunch.

I want that.  I want a baby to take care of, and nurture, and comfort.  Foster or biological, I don’t care.  But I want a baby.

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Still waiting to hear back about my husband’s job interview.  I don’t want to send in our application for fost-adopt until he has a job.  Because *I* want to be the primary caregiver.  And if he’s not working, then that leaves him to be the primary caregiver.  Because I’ll need to bring home the money.  I’m still praying that he gets this job.  But I’m starting to lose hope.

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I just want a baby.

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Coping

Thursday, October 28, 2010

It seems like at work lately, there have been so many pregnancy and baby related things.  A pregnant coworker going on maternity leave.  Someone who has a pregnant wife.  Client’s parents who are pregnant, client’s parents who have babies, client’s parents who have x number of kids under the age of five… it has been a daily thing.  But, by some miracle, it actually hasn’t been bothering me as much as it used to.  I’m still sad.  I’m still longing for a baby.  But, for right now at least, all of the daily reminders aren’t making me *more* sad.  It’s kind of a strange thing.  I’m not sure if it will even last.  I know I’m always going to have bad days – days that are harder than others.  But maybe I’m moving forward a little?  For a long time, I felt like I was stuck in the trauma of infertility.  And now, even though it’s still heart breaking, it doesn’t feel quite as traumatic anymore.  If that makes any sense.

Has infertility felt traumatic for anyone else?

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Twelve days of blogging

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

It seems like a lot of people have been doing a month of blogging lately.  I’m a little too ADHD to promise to blog every day for a whole month, but I’m going to try to do it for twelve days.  Why twelve?  Just because it’s my favorite number.

So… my husband and I moved at the beginning of October.  And we’re *mostly* settled in.  I’m really enjoying my new job; my  husband is still looking.  Last week I contacted a local foster/adoption agency to get information about the process to get licensed through them.  We’re living in a small county, so apparently there are only three agencies we can choose from.  I work for one of the agencies, so that one is out.  I haven’t heard great things about the second, so the one I contacted is kind of our only option.  Fortunately, after talking with the guy on the phone, I have a good feeling about the agency.  They mailed us some information.  And an application.  I’m not sure when we’ll actually send it back in, but at least we have it.  My husband had a job interview yesterday.  If he gets the job, I think we’ll send the application in soon.  I want to feel like we’re moving forward again.