h1

Application

Monday, November 15, 2010

I mailed in our foster/adoption application last week.  My husband is still looking for work, but I was feeling impatient.  So I mailed it in anyway.  I figure the process takes a while anyway, right?  I haven’t heard anything back yet, but hopefully I will soon.  I can’t believe we’re getting ready to go through this all over again.

h1

What do you have to offer…

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I hate answering questions like this.  First of all, it’s hard to put this kind of stuff into words.  And second of all, I hate feeling like I’m trying to sell myself.  I get really uncomfortable when I have to talk about my strengths and things I’m good at.

Fost-Adopt Application Question #2: What do you have to offer a child in your home and life?

Answer (so far – I probably won’t include all of this in the application):

I believe I have the ability to offer nurturing and unconditional love to any child who comes into our home and life, even in the midst of the uncertainty that comes with foster care.  Having had three children placed with us in the past year, I know I can give my heart to these kids. One of the things I learned through the grieving of infertility is that I am capable of making it through the pain. Even though I know my heart will be broken if a child who is placed with us leaves our care, I am not afraid of going through the heartache – I know it will not be easy, but I also know I’ll make it through.  Having that knowledge means I can offer love to a child without any hesitation.

This is harder than I thought it would be.  Part of my problem is that I think too much, and I’m a bit of a perfectionist.  I don’t want to just give a generic answer though.

What I/we have to offer a child (in non-answer format): love, nurturing, compassion, empathy, stability, bedtime stories, singing songs, silliness and play, lots of hugs and kisses, the ability to (most of the time) look past the child’s behavior and see the reasons behind it, a good relationship between my husband and I, an understanding of some of the issues foster children face, a willingness to give my heart even though I know the child might leave…

Maybe I should answer more like that, instead of like my first try.  Any thoughts?

h1

Why do you wish to adopt…

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Still no news on the job front for my husband.  But I’ve been looking through the foster-adoption application form and I’m starting to think about answers to certain questions.  I thought here would be as good a place as any to try to figure out what I want to say.  So…

Question #1: Why do you wish to adopt or be a foster parent at this time?

Answer (so far):

My husband and I wish to adopt as a way to increase our family.  We have been unable to have children by birth.  After almost three years of trying to get pregnant, we decided in December, 2008, to pursue adoption instead.  It was a very hard decision to make, but it felt like the right choice for us.

We have chosen to adopt from foster care because both of us have experience working with children in foster care.  We have an understanding of the need for loving and supportive foster homes, as well as of some of the difficulties both foster children and foster parents face.  We believe we have the capability to provide that love and support to any child who comes into our home.  Both my husband and I have a strong desire to offer nurturing and compassion to these children in need.

It seems like kind of a cheesy answer – but maybe they want cheese?  It’s hard to put the strong desire I have in my heart to help these kids into words.  I gave my heart to each of the three girls who were placed with us, and I loved every minute of it.  I’m okay with knowing my heart could be broken in an instant – I know I can make it through the pain.

Anyone have any suggestions of things to include, or change, or exclude all together?

h1

Just another Monday

Monday, November 1, 2010

Not a very exciting day today.  I had almost nothing to do at work, so I was a little bored, but I did cross some things off of my to-do list that have been on there forever.  And in the afternoon, I got to go and just hang out with a few kids, and play games with them, so that was fun.

I have been so tired lately.  It seems like no matter how much sleep I get, I still can’t get up in the morning.  Usually it’s a “time of the month” thing, but that has come and gone, and I’m still exhausted.  Maybe the changing of seasons?  Maybe the recent changing of almost everything else in my life?  Who knows.  I’m tired of being tired though.

Still haven’t heard anything about my husband’s job… I’m starting to lose hope.  I think he is too.  I feel kind of bad for dragging him here with me, when he doesn’t have a job yet.  I know he’s not very happy here, and I feel a little like it’s my fault.

I need some fun and exciting news to share on here… enough of the doom and gloom!

h1

Anniversary

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Well, I missed posting yesterday.  So much for twelve days in a row.  But yesterday was our six year wedding anniversary, so I have a good excuse.  My husband and I had a good day together… sleeping in, going for a mini hike, wandering around the mall, and going out for dinner.  Then we came back home and I fell asleep.  Around 9:00.  *Sigh*  For some reason, I have been so tired lately.

I love being married to my husband.  The last six years have definitely had their ups and downs, but they have been wonderful.  He has been so supportive through all of the infertility stuff.  He has been willing to do foster care with me.  I can come home crying (like I did on Friday) and he just holds me.  All I have to tell him is that it’s “baby stuff”, and he gets it.  He understands.

Monday tomorrow, and back to work.  Even though I don’t have much to keep me busy tomorrow – I still don’t have a full caseload at work.

What did other people do over the weekend?

h1

Well that didn’t last long

Friday, October 29, 2010

This morning I had an appointment with a mom who has a baby.  Watching her interact with her baby… watching her play with her baby… watching her comfort her baby…

I came home and cried at lunch.

I want that.  I want a baby to take care of, and nurture, and comfort.  Foster or biological, I don’t care.  But I want a baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Still waiting to hear back about my husband’s job interview.  I don’t want to send in our application for fost-adopt until he has a job.  Because *I* want to be the primary caregiver.  And if he’s not working, then that leaves him to be the primary caregiver.  Because I’ll need to bring home the money.  I’m still praying that he gets this job.  But I’m starting to lose hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I just want a baby.

h1

Coping

Thursday, October 28, 2010

It seems like at work lately, there have been so many pregnancy and baby related things.  A pregnant coworker going on maternity leave.  Someone who has a pregnant wife.  Client’s parents who are pregnant, client’s parents who have babies, client’s parents who have x number of kids under the age of five… it has been a daily thing.  But, by some miracle, it actually hasn’t been bothering me as much as it used to.  I’m still sad.  I’m still longing for a baby.  But, for right now at least, all of the daily reminders aren’t making me *more* sad.  It’s kind of a strange thing.  I’m not sure if it will even last.  I know I’m always going to have bad days – days that are harder than others.  But maybe I’m moving forward a little?  For a long time, I felt like I was stuck in the trauma of infertility.  And now, even though it’s still heart breaking, it doesn’t feel quite as traumatic anymore.  If that makes any sense.

Has infertility felt traumatic for anyone else?