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Here we go again

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Our first home appointment with the foster/adoption agency is two weeks from today.  I can’t believe we’re getting ready to start this whole process all over again.  It will be way more intensive this time because a) we’re going through an agency instead of just through the county, and b) last time we were just licensed for foster care and this time it will include the adoption homestudy too.

It feels good to be moving forward, but it’s a little scary too.  Once we make it through this process it will be back to the daily hope and disappointment.  Checking my phone every three minutes to see if we’ve gotten a call.  Having NO idea when that call will come, or what it will bring.

The two placements we had before (each for about three months) were so different.  The first one – two sisters, ages two and five – was my first real chance at being a mom.  Those girls had so much energy and could be so draining, but I loved every minute of it.  Well, *almost* every minute.  All of the hugs and smiles, silliness and laughter, and even the tantrums and tears.  I loved being a mom.  We knew when we accepted the placement that we were only a stepping stone between two placements – a previous foster placement that didn’t work out, and a permanent placement with extended family – but that didn’t make it any easier to let them go.

Our second placement was a six year old girl.  We did respite for her about a month before she was placed with us, and at that time it looked like it might be heading toward being a potential adoptive placement.  Her mom pulled it together though, and by the time she was actually placed with us things were leaning heavily toward reunification.  She was much quieter than the other two, but once she felt comfortable enough somewhere to laugh, she had the greatest giggle.  It makes me smile to think about it.  She is back with her mom now, and they’re doing great.  But of course I still miss her.

It’s going to be so nice to get back into all of this!

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