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Anger, part 2

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Thank you everyone, for the comments.  It’s always nice to have the reminder that I’m not alone.

As I’ve been spending more time thinking about this, I’m realizing that a big part of the problem is that I don’t know how to express anger in general.  I’ve been doing some journaling about all of it.  I’m not usually into writing poems, but that’s what I ended up with  this time.  They might be kind of dumb… but I figured I’d share them anyway.  (Gotta love the anonymity of blogging.)

************

I hate this crushing pain.

Feeling like I can’t breath.

I hate the black hole inside my heart.

Sucking me in.

Leaving nothing but emptiness.

How do I express the anger?

Where do I even begin?

If I start to let it go, will it overcome me?

Will I completely lose control?

Will I lose myself?

It’s easier to sink into the pain.

To give in.

It’s easier to feel dead inside.

Numb to it all.

Feeling exhaustion instead of anger.

************

I’m mad because

So many people can get pregnant

So many people think it’s easy

So many people give unwanted advice

So many people don’t even try to understand

I’m mad because it’s not fair

I’m mad when I

Hear about other people’s babies

Am told about yet another person who is pregnant

See baby pictures on Facebook

I’m mad when I have to pretend it doesn’t bother me

I’m mad at

Baby showers

Maternity stores

Ultrasound pictures

Pregnancy test commercials

I’m mad at the reminders that are everywhere

I’m mad because I have to

Do things even when I feel like I’m being crushed by all the heartache

Deal with the sadness and grief and depression

Cope with the invisible pain

I’m mad because I have to somehow continue with everyday life

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2 comments

  1. Most definitely not dumb! I can feel the anger through your words which I think means you are doing a pretty good job expressing yourself. I hope it helped and am glad you are finding a way to start getting rid of some of it.

    Next up, plate smashing. (-;


  2. Good on you.

    I understand the fear that anger will take over and become all of you. But it never does, well not forever.



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