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Nothing in particular

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I’ve kind of been in the mood to write a post recently – kind of looking for some connection, I guess – but I don’t really have much to write about. I suppose maybe that’s a good thing?

We’re still on hold with foster care, which sucks, but what can you do?  We’re waiting for some paperwork to be processed and passed on to the licensing people, and apparently they’re running behind.  I’m SO tired of waiting, but, right at this moment at least, I’m resigned.

I think a small part of me almost expects something else to go wrong with all of this.  And a small voice is telling me that maybe all of the obstacles are really just signs that I’m not supposed to be a mom.  I can rationalize a lot of that away, but not all of it.  Some of the fear remains.  Fear that this isn’t going to happen.  Fear that maybe it isn’t “meant to be”.  Fear that I may never get to have a baby, even for a short period of time.

Work is work.  I’m exhausted, but for the time being, I’m mostly caught up on stuff, which feels good.  Now I just have to stay caught up on stuff, so when baby comes I can balance work and baby.

I suppose that means I should stop blogging, and get some paperwork done.

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