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Sadness

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

At work today, there was someone on their first day back from maternity leave.  So, of course, there was much more baby talk than usual.  And, of course, I felt sad.

And it made me wonder… am I always going to feel that sadness when people are talking about baby stuff?  I mean, here I am, licensed for foster care, all ready for a baby to come.  And in all likelihood, I will get a baby within a month or two.  I’ll be able to join in those conversations soon enough.  But I’m still sad.

I know I will probably always feel some sadness when it comes to other people’s pregnancies; I expect that.  But what about the baby talk?  Am I going to continue to feel sad after I have my own baby?  Or am I just going to jump right into the conversation, like any “normal” mother?  I know I will never be a completely “normal” mother.  Not after infertility.  Not being a foster mom.  But I should be able to blend in fairly well.  I wonder though… will the sadness still be there?

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4 comments

  1. I like to imagine it will be easier. I suspect there will still be plenty of awkward topics (breastfeeding, when to have the next one, labor and delivery…) that will be met with gritted teeth, but I hope that there are other ways to relate and feel comfortable. I can imagine there is a bit of a learning curve after avoid it all for so long…

    Hope tomorrow is a better day. Hugs, sweetie.


  2. Just found your blog through the “tag surfer” on wordpress and had to comment. I know how you feel. I was there, too, before our little boy came to us through foster care. I can say that, for me, it did become easier. I still feel a quick pang whenever one of my friends is pregnant, but only very briefly, and only because I am such a perfectionist and feel that I have failed in some way because my body has. I can also say that I can’t imagine loving a biological child any more than I love my little boy. Best of luck to you in your journey!


  3. I wonder that very same thing… let’s hope we figure out a way to find more (pang-less) joy in it eventually.


  4. I understand that infertility is incredibly painful and feeling you are not like the rest of the women who make it seem so natural to get pregnant and birth children is awful.

    I am a licensed foster parent by choice. I did not have more biological children by choice. I believe that there are so many children in need of parents in this world that the world should provide parents for these children. The Earth doesn’t need more children, it needs more parents.

    So whether this was your initial plan or backup plan, you should be proud and excited. And I think you should feel that even if it isn’t the “same,” IMO what you are doing is actually better, more worthwhile and meaningful. many ppl can birth children. Most ppl cannot raise someone else’s child as their own.



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