Just because…

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The last three weeks I’ve gone to a class about attachment offered through our local foster care education program.  This poem outline was given to us as a possible tool to use when helping foster/adopted kids cope with some of their losses.  Here’s my version of it; feel free to leave your version of it in a comment- I would love to read how other people are feeling.

Just because I’m infertile,

Doesn’t mean I’m not good enough,

Doesn’t mean I’m undeserving,

Doesn’t mean I’m broken beyond repair.

I’m becoming stronger.

Just because I can’t get pregnant

Doesn’t mean I’m not happy for others,

Doesn’t mean I have to be angry and bitter,

Doesn’t mean I’m unable to see the difficulties of motherhood through another woman’s eyes.

I’m more compassionate.

Just because I’m not trying anymore,

Doesn’t mean I’m giving up,

Doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to grieve,

Doesn’t mean I will never be a mom.

I’m pushing forward.

Just because I’m choosing to parent someone else’s child,

Doesn’t mean I’m not sad,

Doesn’t mean I’m “over it”,

Doesn’t mean I’m not still hurting.

I’m taking one day at a time

Just because I’m going to be a foster mom,

Doesn’t mean I won’t experience more loss,

Doesn’t mean “my” child will forever (legally) be mine,

Doesn’t mean I’m going to love my child and less than I would love a child I gave birth to.

I’m willing to give my heart.

Just because I want to adopt,

Doesn’t mean I’m not going to mourn all the little parts of being pregnant that I’m going to miss,

Doesn’t mean my heart won’t ache when I see a pregnant belly or hear about another baby shower,

Doesn’t mean I’m done with the tears.

I’m capable of surviving the pain

I’m infertile; I can’t get pregnant.

I’m not trying anymore; I’m choosing to parent someone else’s child.

I’m going to be a foster mom, I want to adopt.

But through this journey,

I do have more strength,

I am more compassionate,

I can push forward,

I’m learning to take one day at a time,

I want to give my heart,

And, I’m capable of surviving the pain.



  1. This is a brilliant post. Thank you for sharing your poems.

  2. That made me cry … I really believe you’ve hit the heart of so many women.

  3. This was so perfect. I love what you did with it and really feel it captures so much of this journey in so few words – something that others (fertiles) could read and get a quick glimpse as to where we are at. Thanks for sharing this one. I’m planning to bookmark it!!

  4. It is wonderful that you can share your loving heart with a child that may have never experienced the wonderful love and care that you can offer.

    Although I can have children I found the pregnancy & birth experience horrible but the children part wonderful. I have since seriously considered fostering or adopting so to give another child the opportunity of a loving family.

    I love your poem. i think you have expressed yourself beautifully. I know you will still cry & feel a sense of loss but I believe you will be such a blessing to this world especially in the lives of the children you care for. And although it is harder for you (I’m not trying to put a bandaid over your wound), I think by adopting and fostering you can be even more of a blessing than you would have been if things were any other way.

    God bless you & the lives you touch with your love xx

  5. What a beautiful poem. I am so impressed with your strength to move forward and to give so much of yourself.

    While this whole process is so devastatingly hard, I like that, even though you are sad and in pain, you are able to see the possible positives like compassion and strength. I think I can learn a lot from what you write…

  6. Popped in from the crème de la crème list.

    This poem sums it up very well.

    Fostering isn’t for me, not at this point in my life anyway. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
    I have to admire those who do step up to the plate.

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