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One of those “mad at the world” kind of days

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I have been whining to people all day, so I figured I might as well whine a little bit here too.

I have had the worst cramps all day.  I think I’m just weird, but when I get really bad cramps I get chills- like fever chills.  Those are the kind of cramps I have had.  All day.  I’ve lost track of how much ibuprofen I’ve taken, but it’s not helping much.  I would have gone home early from work, but I had something this afternoon that I couldn’t miss.

I hate this.  What’s the point of going through this every 24 days if I’m not going to get pregnant anyway?  All I’m doing is wasting eggs- not good when I’m not sure how many I’ve got left in the first place (stupid high FSH).  I hate being completely exhausted, I hate having cramps that won’t go away, and I hate the reminder that yet another month has gone by and I’m *still* not pregnant.  I hate the fact that I have to go buy more tampons and advertise to the world that I’m *still* not pregnant.  (Yes, I know the people at Walmart couldn’t care less, but when I’m feeling angry and bitter I tend to think these things.)

A couple days ago at work I was talking with two friends.  Friend A is married and has one kid; friend B just started dating someone (the topic of conversation).  B knows about all of the infertility stuff and has been really supportive; A doesn’t know anything about it.  We were talking about the potential future B and boyfriend might have together, and A said to B, “Who knows, maybe you’ll be the next pregnant person walking around here.”  I really wanted to tell B, “You better not be”, but I figured that would probably be one of those inappropriate “bitter infertile” comments, so I held my tongue.  But seriously, isn’t it my turn yet?

So yeah, one of those bitter, self-pitying, mad at the world, kind of days.

Tomorrow has to be better, right?

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2 comments

  1. Man, I hate those days. I’ve had too many of my own. Along with the cramps so bad I get chills and the ibuprofen isn’t helping much. Yeah, it sucks big time. I’m glad you’re getting it out of your system. Tomorrow, the chills will be gone and the ibuprofen will do it’s job and you will experience what I like to call “blessed emptiness” where the cramps used to be.


  2. I only get my period once every 45 to 60 days. But the first day is ALWAYS a killer. So bad you REALLY want to stay in bed for the day. Alas, I can’t afford 8 vacation/sick days a year just for AF. Wench.



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