h1

So depressed

Friday, June 27, 2008

Life really sucks right now.  I don’t want to deal with anything.  I’m not getting anything done, I don’t want to do anything, I’m not even really trying to connect with people (and I’m not really caring about feeling so alone).  I’m crying almost everyday, when I wake up in the morning I literally feel like I don’t have enough energy to move, I feel like I’m walking around in a fog.  I’m not suicidal, but I think that’s only because I’ve been here so many times before.  I haven’t cut myself, but only because I’m already worried that I’m not going to pass a home study with my history of “mental health problems”, I don’t want to do anything to further jeopardize my chance of becoming a mom.

I’m tired of being depressed.  But apparently it’s just how my life is.  The ironic thing is, I’m way too depressed to be capable of making any important decisions right now.  Like the decision of whether or not I should go back on my meds.

I just want everything to go away.

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7 comments

  1. It does get better with time – trust me – I’ve been there. It might be a good idea to talk to someone though….


  2. I’m so sorry it feels so impossible right now…Please take good care of yourself; that’s most important thing. I know you already know that…


  3. Oh, hun, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I wish I knew how to help you through the cyberworld. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please do whatever you need to get to a better place. Keep coming here to get it out. ((hugs))


  4. I am so sorry you are in that place because I know how dark it is. When you say meds, do you mean fertility meds or depression meds? Because if it is despression meds, the answer is a resounding YES. I don’t have a long history of depression but when I was at my worst, I had gotten so deep I could not have come out of it by myself.

    We are all here for you if you need anything. Take care of yourself and let us know if you need to chat . . .


  5. I agree with pp. It does get better with time. There were times when I felt SO overwhelmed by the saddness of IF. Like I couldn’t go on one more day. Like I was so angry at the world for being so unfair. Like I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay there. And those feelings don’t go away all at once. It takes time. And that time isn’t the same from one person to the next. Good luck sweetie.


  6. I can personally relate to the way you’re feeling, and I know how hard it is to try and claw your way out of it. I know this, since I’m still trying to do it myself.

    Going off meds also makes it that much more difficult, especially when you’ve been on the meds for so long.

    I do hope it will get better for you. And I’m glad you are not cutting.


  7. 😉



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