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Holding my breath

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I don’t think I have ever been so anxious about when I’m going to ovulate.  I’m really worried that I’m somehow going to miss that surge of LH and have no clue.  I’m worried enough that the last couple days I’ve woken up at 5:30am to take my temperature.  I haven’t temped in forever.  And this morning I actually dragged my butt out of bed after taking my temperature so I could pee.  Because I’m supposed to do these stupid OKPs using smu (second morning urine) and I’m supposed to call the RE before 8am if it’s positive.  I’ve been using fmu, but apparently the increase in anxiety while I wait this out has made it easier to wake up and harder to fall back asleep.  Hence the blog at 6am.

Confession: I’m a bit of a math geek.  I am forever adding things up, figuring out percentages, figuring out averages, highs, lows, etc.  Maybe I’m a little OCD too. 🙂  But, according to the 24 cycles I have charted on good ol’ FF (wow! has it really been that long?), my longest cycle to date has been 27 days.  Out of those 24 cycles (not including this one), I temped and/or used OPKs to figure out when I ovulated for 19 cycles.  The latest I have ever ovulated is cd (cycle day) 16.  On a side note, the 3 cycles I ovulated on cd 16 my LP (luteal phase) was 9 days long (for 2) and 10 days long (the other one).  Apparently my body has been more concerned with keeping my overall cycle length the same rather than keeping my LP the same.  Today is cd 15.  Not even a slightly darker OPK yet, to tell me I’m at least heading in the right direction.

Of course I’m actually kind of hoping I don’t get a positive OPK today.  My day tomorrow is packed and I don’t want to cancel any clients because I didn’t see any of them last week (thank you clomid).  Plus one of our cars died yesterday.  So getting my husband and I to the RE’s office, from different sides of town and at different times, might prove difficult.  So, no positive today.  Please?  Of course, I wouldn’t really even be surprised if the clomid somehow had the opposite effect on my body and made me NOT ovulate this cycle.  I have very strange reactions to medications sometimes.

Sigh.  I’m off to get another glass of water.  So I can pee again before I have to leave in just over half an hour.

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