I almost never remember my dreams

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

But I must really be worried about this appointment on Friday because I’ve had baby related dreams the last couple nights.  Two nights ago I dreamt that I was pregnant and I couldn’t get my mom to take me to the hospital so I could have the baby (no idea where my husband was).  And last night my dream was that I found out I could never get pregnant.  My uterus was either missing or just really messed up.  The dream even included a *rational* explanation as to why this hadn’t shown up on the HSG.  I think maybe I really am going crazy!

I did CD3 bloodwork again yesterday.  This time my FSH was 7.1 (and my estradiol was still low, it was 30).  I should be thrilled to have gotten two pieces of *good* news in the last week, but I’m not.  I’m holding my breath.  I almost feel like the good results are just there to tease me.  Like if I actually start to have some hope then things are going to turn out worse than ever (like not having a uterus!).  That and most research seems to show that ovarian reserve (and response to IVF meds) is better predicted by the highest (worst) FSH level.  So if that’s true I might still be dealing with the 14.4.

This week is going to feel like forever!  What if my fate is decided at that appointment on Friday?  I know it won’t be, but I’m still anxious.


One comment

  1. It sounds like all your worry is carrying over into your dreams. ((Hugs)) Great news on the FSH number. I know it’s hard to accept the good things sometimes. Try to enjoy your good luck and I hope it carries over into your appointment on Friday.

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