h1

In shock

Friday, March 14, 2008

It’s amazing what a difference *one* little number can make.  One little stupid number that is the result of one little stupid blood test that I had to ask the RE to do in the first place.  For my “peace of mind”.  I guess saying that plan back-fired would be an understatement.

My CD3 FSH came back at 14.4 (and my E2 was 29).  So what does that mean?  That for the first time in all of this the odds are against us.  Up until getting that one little number there was really a good chance that I would someday be pregnant.  Not without it costing an arm and a leg and involving at least one invasive medical procedure, but it probably would have happened.  And I can’t say that anymore.  With the high FSH and the dismally low sperm count my chance of getting pregnant is pretty low.  There is a much better chance that it won’t happen for me than that it will.

How on earth do you process something like that?  Something I have been dreaming of forever, that most people don’t even have to think twice about, and I have to process that there’s a good chance I will never be pregnant with my own biological child?  I know there are so many women out there who have to cope with the same thing, or worse, how do they do it?

For now I’m alternating between crying and being numb.  I’m pretty much non-functional.  I didn’t get much done at work today and I’m supposed to be on vacation next week so I have to figure out a way to function enough to get lots of paperwork done this weekend.

Why?

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7 comments

  1. Huge hugs, hun. That is alot to take in. My last FSH was 11.1 and my RE recommended IVF. I think I knew we were headed in that direction anyway, but I cried for a week just trying to process it. The good news is it is not the end. You can still get pregnant with a bio baby. I have learned that there is alot of scary information out in google world. Read at your own risk and take it with a grain of salt. Even with an elevated FSH, I think it is more important in how you respond to meds. I’m around if you need to talk.


  2. Just get good and pissed. Staying calm is for the birds. I am so sorry about the results. Get through the paper work and process next week.
    *hugs*


  3. There is no answer to “why?” There is no rhyme or reason. I’m sorry this will be such a difficult road for you.


  4. Thanks ladies. It means so much to have support from people who “get” it. And who understand pain enough to not be afraid of other people’s pain.


  5. I don’t know all about FSH and E2 stuff so all I can say is, “I’m so sorry.” I’m sorry you have to live in a world you DO have to know what that means, and that you don’t get to be blissfully, ignorantly “knocked-up”.


  6. I just started reading you blog, but when I saw this post I had to comment.

    FSH… ah where do I begin with my despise for those numbers. I had mine tested several years ago… always betwen 11-19, and the doctors never told me it was high. Argggg!

    All I can say is take care of yourself…cuz it really sucks to have those numbers come back high!

    Then when you are ready I’d suggest you find people who can really explain to you what at FSH 14 means for you. I wish I had.

    My numbers skyrocketed 3 years later.. but I hear that some people get pregnant with number in the 14 range.

    I’ve been told that 10 is what they ‘want’ but that the IVF drugs stimulate to a level similar to 20 (which is why there is no point for someone like me with fsh at 50 to bother with that). There are reports of people with really high FSH numbers getting pregnant spontaneously, but rare. Its all relative…

    There is an interesting graph comparing FSH and age at the bottom of this website I discovered today. No idea how valid it is, but maybe worth at:
    http://www.sjfert.com/fshAge.htm

    To my eyes, the graph makes it sound like a younger person with an FSH of 14 had the same chances as a 40 year old with an FSH under 10. And I know several people who’s moms are at least 40 years older than they are (and definetely not young enough to be IVF babies)

    I don’t know that much, but if my FSH was still in the 14 range, I would try to organize a consult with an RE who is open to working with women with elevated FSH, if yours isn’t.

    Here is a list I found thanks to google tonight
    http://www.highfshinfo.com/#highfshfriendlyres

    Obviously I don’t have any medical background, but I hope you have a slighly better chance at finding information when you want it than I did…

    best of luck!


  7. Hi Kitty,

    Just wanted to lend support. High FSH diagnosis is a mortal blow, at least it was for me. After learning that my FSH was 20 (I was 31 at the time), I wanted to die. I know where you are right now. But I want you to know that high FSH is not a death sentence. Sure you will likely need IVF (like I did), but you can find success. My DR gave me the donor egg speech OVER THE TELEPHONE. Find a good RE and get moving. I have lots of hope for you. YOU WILL FIND SUCCESS!!!!! Many of us understand. You are not alone.

    E



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