In denial

Saturday, February 23, 2008

It’s starting to feel like everyone else in my life is in denial about us needing to do IVF/ICSI.  I get so many of the “Maybe it will still happen” comments.  From DH, my mom, well-meaning friends.  But telling me that *maybe* it will happen naturally doesn’t help!  I know it’s true- there is a (VERY) small chance that we could get pregnant on our own- but how long am I supposed to wait for that *maybe* to happen?  Why can’t everyone else just accept that there’s a problem, that we need to do IVF, and then help me figure out how to get there? 

I actually talked to my husband about this a little last night.  I know part of the reason he’s in denial is because he feels bad that we have to go through all of this because his body isn’t cooperating.  I get that.  But there was just as much of a chance that it could have been something wrong with me and we could have ended up on the same path that way.  I don’t really care how we got here- we’re here and I need his help to move forward.  Especially since saving up for IVF means making sacrifices in other areas.

Is it weird that I’m so tired of being offered hope and “encouragement”?  I don’t want people to tell me that maybe we’ll get a miracle, that God will get me through it, or that everything will work out.  We probably won’t get a miracle, I know God will get me through it, and everything might not work out.  And if it doesn’t God will get me through that too. 

I guess hoping for a miracle doesn’t mean we can’t actively work toward IVF too- it just feels that way when everyone else is onlytalking about miracles and not saying anything about IVF.



  1. Just ran across your first few posts and wanted to drop by to say hello.

    My husband and I are in pretty much the same boat, though you guys have been trying for several months longer than we have. (We’re on cycle 19 currently.)

    We have MFI as well, and I’ve noticed a similar reaction from my mom about the prospect of IVF…”You never know…It still might just happen!” Okeydokey, Mom, G’s got only about a million sperm to work with here! For her, I think it’s just so daunting to think about how much it’s going to cost us to get IVF w/ ICSI…I think it’s just hard for people to wrap their heads around. It is for me, too, most of the time!

    Anyway, good luck, and I hope your husband begins to process this in his own way. For G, he had to approach it in the way he approaches everything: reading, studying, writing (blogging). I’m sure your husband will find his way, too.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement Kathy! I’m sorry you’re stuck in the same place. It is hard to totally comprehend how much some people have to pay to even have a chance at having a baby (us included).

  3. It is a lack of acknowledgement of the severity of the situation. So it makes you feel alone. People are stupid though and they’re programmed to look on “the bright side”, infuriating as it is.

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