h1

Beginning to blog . . .

Monday, February 11, 2008

So I *created* this blog a few weeks ago.  Many of my online friends have blogs about their struggles with infertility; I like reading all of their blogs and I like to journal, so I figured I would start a blog too.  So . . . ta-da!  Here it is. 

After I created it though, I realized I don’t have a whole lot to write about these days.  Yes, I’m going through the hell of infertility.  But we’re kind of on hold right now while we figure out how on earth we’re going to come up with $15,000 to pay for the IVF/ICSI we need to do to have any chance of getting pregnant.  I can’t exactly write about various treatments we’re going through,  the disappointment of a “failed” cycle (using whatever type of treatment), or about millions of appointments with the RE, billions of horrible side effects, etc, etc, etc. 

I was thinking about it again today though, and while there isn’t much happening on the outside (as far as us actually moving forward), there’s still a lot of internal stuff going on.  Emotionally and spiritually.  The intense sadness and sense of loss I feel whenever I’m confronted with something (pregnancy or baby) that almost everyone else is so happy and excited about.  Being forced to face the unfairness of life on a daily basis.  Asking God why He felt the need to allow me to go through this (yes, suffering is supposed to make me stronger, but haven’t I gone through enough?).  Trying to find some greater purpose in all of it because if there isn’t one, where does that leave me?

One of my special talents is starting things and not following through, so there is a good chance that this blog won’t go anywhere at all.  But if I can stick with it, maybe it will be a good place to try and sort things out.  And maybe it will somehow offer even the tiniest bit of help or comfort for someone else.

So that’s it for post #1.  Hopefully more will follow soon.

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4 comments

  1. I’ve been trying to leave you a comment, but it never shows up. hope it works now.

    I know that this is a tough time for you, and feeling like your life is put on hold is bringing you down, but please know that I, as well as other people, are here for you whenever you need us. I say you keep on blogging and sharing your story.

    Much love


  2. I guess it finally worked. 🙂
    Thanks for the encouragement and support. ((hugs))


  3. My husband’s illness and consequent spermlessness has left us running in place for the last… oh 17 months. But I still blog. About TTC, IF, life, death, whatever interests me. Sometimes I blog a lot and sometimes a little but overall it has been very cathartic for me.


  4. Came over to you from the Lost and Found that Mel @ Stirrup Queens publishes. Another male factor blogger wishing you a short journey through all of this.



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